You're Not the Only One in Need
by melora30
Summary: After the events of Meridian, Sam and Jack find a way to deal with their grief together. SJ Pairing. Set during Seasons 5 and 6.
1. Chapter 1

**You're Not the Only One in Need**

By Melora

Rating: M (For some mild language and sexual situations - to be on the safe side)

Pairing: Sam/Jack

Category: Angst, Romance

Spoilers: Season 5 – Meridian, Revelations; Season 6 – Redemption 1 and 2, Descent

Set: After Revelations (Season 5); during and after Redemption and Descent (Season 6)

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Created for entertainment not monetary purposes.

Summary: After the events of Meridian, Jack and Sam find their way of dealing with their grief and need together.

Author's notes: This is a very angsty story - so be forewarned. This particular story is probably going to be part of an ongoing series, thus the somewhat ambiguous ending - so don't get mad just yet if you want a happily-ever after ending. Later stories in the series will explore the problems that Sam and Jack face in their relationship throughout Season 6. This is the M (16+) version of this story. The 17+ version is available at samandjackalways . net for those interested (and old enough). Constructive criticism is always appreciated, as I'm still just a novice at this.

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**Part One**

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An uneasy silence permeated the atmosphere at a corner table at O'Malley's Bar and Grill in Colorado Springs. The rest of the patrons in the noisy and bustling restaurant took no notice of the three people sitting at the table. And yet the tension between the woman and her two male companions was almost palpable. All three seemed uncharacteristically melancholy in the otherwise celebratory environment of O'Malley's. 

"Okay. I get it. You guys are still mad at me," the grey-haired man broke the silence.

He lowered his tone to a whisper and continued, "Our allies needed our help and I, for one, am not going to apologize for wanting to help them. Besides, it helped take our minds off of...other matters. At least for awhile."

He sat back in his chair a bit, tilted his bottle of beer to his mouth, and looked at the others as if expecting some kind of response.

To his surprise and chagrin, neither of his companions reacted to his outburst. The other man at the table simply nodded solemnly and continued eating his meal in silence.

The woman, in contrast, was unable to disguise her irritation. Her icy blue eyes glared at him before she proceeded to turn her attention to stabbing her baked potato several times with her fork.

'Yep,' the man thought to himself, 'she's still mad.'

And yet, he was undeterred by their icy reactions. He had suggested this dinner as a way to make amends for being so distant after Daniel's so-called death...to share their mutual grief over their lost friend and comrade. And yet so far, it had turned out to be about continued anger and resentment. He was determined to change that.

His first attempt to break the tension – by apologizing...albeit badly - had failed. He quickly decided his next course of action would be humor – something he believed himself to be an expert at. After all, it had always worked in the past when Carter had been mad at him. He would tell a stupid joke and she just couldn't help it – her bad mood would instantly evaporate and be replaced by a smile and an indulgent 'yes sir'. It was one of his best talents, actually – how to put an angry Carter in a good mood.

He smiled to himself as he thought of a topic with humor potential. Surely a conversation about Asgard reproductive practices would break the ice.

In a rather upbeat tone, he inquired, "How about those little gray guys, huh? For such a smart race, they sure screwed up. Of all the things to get rid of they chose...you know...sex. What the hell were they thinking?"

"What do you mean, O'Neill?" the other man questioned.

"Well Teal'c, I mean...you know what I mean. Of all of the scientific advances they could come up with, why would they want to invent something that effectively gets rid of such a great thing?"

O'Neill was merely glad that he had succeeded in getting one of his companions to talk to him. Although, he was disappointed to discover that his comments had failed miserably to elicit even a tiny grin from the woman sitting across from him.

In fact, his plan had the opposite effect on her. Although he succeeded in finally getting her to speak, he was completely unprepared for the anger of her response. Her voice, muted as to not attract any unwanted eavesdroppers, also carried a strong undercurrent of disdain.

"By cloning themselves, they have been able to prevent a multitude of diseases and to ensure the health and continuation of their race. They really can't be censured for not foreseeing the consequences of an action their ancestors made thousands of years ago. After all, we do that sort of thing all the time, don't we – acting before considering the consequences?" she looked pointedly at O'Neill.

He looked awkwardly down at his plate, trying to shield himself from her growing wrath. He was about to attempt a witty response but was interrupted by her ongoing lecture.

"They happen to be one of the most technologically advanced races in the known universe and you fault them for doing away with **sex**?"

She glared at him angrily and once again his attention immediately shifted back to his plate, his head bowed down in disappointment.

"You really are such a man...Sir," she added for good measure. She huffed and returned to aggressively playing with the food on her plate.

Silence descended on the table once again. Obviously learning his lesson after her last tirade, O'Neill did not try to initiate another conversation as they quietly finished their meals. She had made it abundantly clear that she was not going to forgive him anytime soon.

When they were finished, the waitress passed by and smiled cordially at them. "How was your meal? Would you like any dessert this evening?"

For once, neither Teal'c nor O'Neill were tempted by the possibility of a slice of cake or pie. Both shook their heads gravely in the negative and O'Neill simply requested the check. Once each of them had paid, the woman was the first to quickly and curtly bid the others goodnight, rise, and make her way out of the restaurant alone. O'Neill and Teal'c, still seated at the table, merely stared at each other dumbfounded at their friend's abrupt departure.

Teal'c noticed the hurt and disappointment in O'Neill's eyes. Offering some small consolation to his friend, Teal'c stated, "It would be wise to give Major Carter time to grieve, O'Neill. She will eventually get over this."

O'Neill let out a melancholy sigh, "I hope so, Teal'c. I hope so."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**You're Not the Only One in Need**

**

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****Part Two**

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After a disastrous dinner, Jack O'Neill decided that the best course of action was to go home and get completely wasted. He made his way into his darkened house and moved towards his kitchen. Once there, he pulled out a full bottle of some very nice Bourbon that had been given to him a few years before from an old friend from his Black Ops days. He poured the liquid into a tumbler and carried both the glass and the bottle with him into the living room. 

After his second glass, he became somewhat drowsy and curled up on the couch to sleep. There he slept for a couple of hours when he was abruptly awoken by the sound of loud banging. Clearing his head with a few shakes, he quickly realized that the noise was coming from his front door. He took his time in stretching his aching muscles, immediately regretting going to sleep on the couch. Only when he had fully stretched did he slowly walk to the door to answer it.

"Okay, okay. Hold your horses," he mumbled as he stumbled up the stairs into the front hall.

Somewhat hesitant about answering the door at this time of night, he decided to throw caution to the wind, if only to stop the incessant banging that had gradually become louder and louder.

"Open the door you selfish bastard!" he heard a female voice yelling through the thick wood of the door.

Luckily, he didn't have any neighbors living within earshot of his house. Otherwise, the police would probably have been there by now charging his visitor with disturbing the peace.

Now both genuinely curious and confused, he flipped on the porch light and opened the door a little to peek out. He was shocked to find his second-in-command, dressed only in her nightgown and a pair of untied sneakers, standing on his front porch. She was clearly upset which was apparent not only from her actions, but also by her appearance.

Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were tear-stained, and her hair was sticking straight up in all directions. Even though it was winter in Colorado, she hadn't even bothered to wear a jacket over her long cotton gown and her bare arms were covered in goose bumps. This, combined with other signs, made O'Neill immediately realize that his 2IC was obviously drunk. He had never had to deal with a drunk Carter before, unless you could count that time on 595. Her entire body was shivering and swaying in the breeze. It became clear to him that she could barely keep her balance as she stumbled forward towards him.

He reached out and grasped her upper arms to keep her from falling down. "Jeez Carter, what are you doing here at this time of night?" He peered around her shivering body, trying to spot where she had parked her car, all the while hoping that she hadn't actually driven in her condition. When he didn't see it, he asked, "How did you get here anyway?"

Having regained her balance, she brusquely pushed past him into his house and mumbled, "Cab...We need to talk."

He closed the door and locked it, then turned around to face her only to find her nowhere in sight. His eyes traveled the length of his hallway, finally coming to settle on her huddled figure sitting on the top step into his living room. She was leaning her head against the wall and he could just barely hear her muffled sobs. Not quite knowing what to do, he approached cautiously.

'Great,' he thought, 'now I have to deal with a drunk **and** crying Carter.'

"Carter? Would you like something to drink? Perhaps some coffee?" he offered, trying to be a gracious host in a very awkward situation.

She sniffled softly and then replied, "I need something a little stronger than that."

He stared at the gentle curve of her back as she wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to conserve heat. He shook his head in dismay and softly answered, "I think you've probably had enough for one evening, Carter. It's really not like you to get drunk like this."

"I can't help it. I just miss him so much, sir," she muttered. She turned her head to face him, her eyes filled not only with tears but also with anger and accusation. "Why did you stop my Dad? Why did you let Daniel go?"

Jack rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. He had been trying to avoid this very conversation, thinking that if he just ignored what had happened that it would simply go away and things could get back to normal. Clearly, Carter wasn't about to let it go.

"I can't explain it, Carter. While I was standing in the infirmary with the rest of you, he came to me and asked me to tell your Dad to stop. I don't really understand what happened, but it was what he wanted. You have to believe me. I would never have let him go if it wasn't what he wanted." He wasn't sure whom he was trying to convince – her or himself.

Tears continued to pour down her face and her body shook from the combination of cold and grief. The emotion in her eyes softened from anger to understanding as she continued to gaze at him. "Oh God, sir. I'm sorry... It's not your fault. I know you miss him too."

He moved slowly towards her and motioned for her to get up. "Come on, Carter. Let's get you into the living room and try to warm you up a bit."

Jack helped her up and guided her onto the couch in the next room. He wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and then rose to go into the kitchen to make some coffee.

To his surprise when he came back into the room, he found her with his discarded tumbler from earlier in the evening in her hands steadily sipping a rather large glass of Bourbon. She had obviously found the glass and the bottle on the table beside the couch and had taken full advantage of it.

His tone was a bit playful and chastising at the same time. "Whatcha doing?"

Sam shot back a look that clearly stated, 'What the hell does it look like?'

Jack shook his head in dismay and tried to reason with her, "Don't you think you've had enough, Carter? I'm making coffee, which would be soooo much better for you right now."

"I don't want any coffee," she snapped. "I'm not in the mood to get sober and besides...it reminds me too much of Daniel," she added softly.

He sat beside her on the sofa and took the now half-full glass from her hands. Not knowing how to handle this situation, and just grateful that she was talking to him once more, he knocked back the rest of the alcohol in the glass in one shot.

He figured that he might as well commiserate with her and her chosen method for the evening, it seemed, was to get completely and unabashedly drunk. He poured another glass of Bourbon and handed it to her. She took a couple of sips and handed it back to him. They continued taking turns sipping Bourbon in silence for a few minutes before either spoke.

"Why did he want to leave?" Sam whispered, staring blankly out into the darkened room.

"What?"

"Daniel...why did he want to leave so badly? Why did he want to leave us?" She wrapped the blanket more tightly around her shoulders and stared up into his eyes.

Jack sighed heavily in response. "I don't know, Carter. Maybe he didn't want to take the chance that he wouldn't be completely healed by the device. Maybe he thought that he wouldn't be able to live his life as fully as he had before."

He paused thoughtfully before continuing, "I tell you what, though. I think he really wanted to go because he was presented with the opportunity of a completely new adventure...a new challenge if you will. You know how he was. Just the thought of learning about a new culture or society made him salivate at the mouth. This way, he actually gets to experience that new culture first-hand."

"It's every archeologist's dream, I know. But I still can't help..."

"Being angry at him?" he completed her train of thought and continued, "I know. I'm angry too. But I figure that I have to let it go. It was what he wanted, after all. It was his choice."

Sam shook her head with determination and spoke emphatically, "I would never want to leave, sir. Not even if some alien race offered me the chance to study the universe's most advanced technology. I would never want to leave the SGC. I would never leave...you." And with that, she leaned her head gently on his shoulder.

At this revelation, O'Neill suddenly became ill at ease. He coughed nervously and moved over on the sofa to put some distance between them. He realized, even though Carter was carrying on a surprisingly coherent and articulate conversation, that she also had to be completely drunk. Major Sam Carter would never have made such admissions while sober and in her rational mind.

Jack also knew that he had been getting much too comfortable with her. Her presence beside him on the sofa was warm and comfortable and reassuring. He craved that comfort, but knew that it was something he had to deny himself. The alcohol, mixed with the lateness of the hour, was obviously clouding both his reason and hers and he knew he needed to reassert control over the situation.

"Why don't you sleep it off here on the couch, Carter? I'm going to head on up to bed. It is rather late, after all. We can talk in the morning." He moved to get up.

Sam grabbed his hand and looked at him with glistening eyes. Although she had been trying to control her tears during their conversation, she now could no longer hold them back and one crystal stream made its way down her pale right cheek.

"Please don't go," she begged. "I really don't want to be alone. I'm so tired of being alone."

At her tearful request, he reluctantly sat back down and allowed her to place her head in its earlier position on his shoulder. Although he knew it was a very bad idea, he also knew that he could deny her nothing – she was his one weakness. He wrapped one arm around her shoulder and used his free hand to pick up the glass of Bourbon off of the coffee table. They remained like that, with both passing the glass back and forth for a few minutes, when she once again interrupted their companionable silence.

"You know what I told Daniel the last time I really spoke to him?" she asked.

"No, what?"

"I told him that we never tell those we love how we feel about them before it's too late – like my Mom. I never told her how much she meant to me before she died. I regret that to this day. At least I got to tell Daniel, although I'm not really sure he heard me. He was pretty far gone by then."

Jack gently squeezed her shoulder and reassured her, "He knew how you felt. And so did your Mom. You don't need to say those kinds of things out loud, Sam. You just know it in your heart."

She raised her head slightly to gaze at him with a questioning expression. "Do you know?"

His brow knit in confusion. "Know what?"

"How I feel about you? In your heart?" Her slender hand slipped out from under the blanket to reach up and caress his cheek.

He leaned into her touch and whispered his response, fearful of the very words he was admitting, "I know, Sam. Believe me, I know. Just like you know how I feel about you in your heart."

At this, she tilted up her head and raised her lips to capture his. At first, the kiss was gentle and hesitant. Jack mistakenly thought that it would end at that. They were both drunk and grieving but he was still sober enough to control himself. He had no intention of taking advantage of the situation. But his good intentions gradually vanished as Sam increased the pressure and emotion behind her kiss and it became more demanding and passionate.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was their combined grief and pain, or maybe it was that he just could not deny his need for her any longer, but he began returning her kiss with fervor. Giving into his emotions, he leaned her back on the sofa and covered her body with his own. She gracefully moved her legs to cradle his body with hers as he continued to devour her mouth.

The blanket that had been covering her had fallen from her shoulders as he had leaned her back, exposing her bare neck and arms. He kissed his way down her neck, hungrily consuming her skin, her warmth, her fragrance. She tilted her head back over the arm of the sofa, humming in pleasure as he continued his exploration of her shoulders and neck.

Sam's hands greedily reached for his head and guided it back to her lips, which she then used to contentedly explore his mouth and face. She placed delicate kisses on his forehead, eyelids, and nose, before invading his mouth once again with eagerness.

Jack suddenly extracted himself from her lips and pulled his head back to look down at her, fearful that things were going too fast. Sam clearly noted the hesitation in his eyes and acted quickly to combat it. She gazed up at his confused face with longing and determination evident in her eyes, as she pulled him back down to kiss him passionately. The confusion in his own eyes slowly faded as the kiss deepened. No words were needed – her actions told him everything he needed to know.

This time, there would be no hesitation, no remorse.

Their lovemaking was brief and frantic, neither even bothering to remove all of their clothes. It was as if both Jack and Sam were fully aware that one or the other might realize their mistake at any moment and pull back. Although brief, it managed to satisfy the aching need that had been building in them both.

In the aftermath, Sam smiled languidly at him and buried her head in the crook of his neck as her eyes fluttered shut. Within seconds, she was fast asleep in his arms. Jack quietly kicked off his pants and boxer shorts now tangled about his ankles, and then pulled another blanket from the back of the sofa to drape over their half-clothed bodies. He watched her form snuggle against his body as she slept, both astonished and elated at what had just occurred. Jack nuzzled the top of her head lovingly and placed a soft kiss on it, then laid his own head down on the sofa and drifted off to sleep.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**You're Not the Only One in Need**

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**Part Three**

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Bright light filled the room as Jack struggled to open his eyes. His head throbbed with pain. Although disoriented, he noticed three very  
important things. One - he had woken up on his living room sofa. Two - he was only wearing a t-shirt and socks. Three - he was completely alone. 

Wrapping a blanket around his waist, he rose from the sofa. He spied his boxer shorts and pants from the previous evening pooled on the  
floor and had to put forth considerable effort to bend over and pick them up without aggravating his aching body and head.

Jack slipped them on and made his way towards the master bathroom, along the way memories from the previous evening flooding his mind. He suddenly wondered where Sam had gone. He worried that she had escaped in the early morning hours, too ashamed to face him when he woke up.

As he passed his guest bathroom, he could hear the shower running. He smiled to himself, relieved that she was still there and hadn't  
snuck out in the middle of the night. To him, it was a good sign that she wasn't sorry about what had happened between them. And the thought of that thrilled him.

The sound of the shower suddenly stopped and he heard the sound of her voice filtering through the door. Unable to control his curiosity, Jack listened intently through the closed door.

The tone of Sam's voice was both fearful and chiding. "Stupid... Stupid... Stupid... What the hell were you thinking, Sam?" she said to herself. "How could you do something so completely stupid? What am I going to do?" The desperation in her voice broke his heart and the happiness he had felt a few moments before immediately vanished.

Jack moved on down the hall, disappointment and guilt washing over him as he made his way to the other bathroom. As he went about his morning routine, he started thinking about what he had overheard. Sam obviously regretted what had happened last night and she was worried about how to fix the situation. It was his fault, he realized. He had not been as drunk as she had been. He could have stopped it before it went too far - but he didn't. And now she had regrets.

He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and a look of determination set on his lathered face. As he lifted his razor and began to shave the stumble from his cheeks, he came to a decision. He would fix everything. The sooner he did, the better off they would be.

They could try to forget that it had happened – chalk it up to two drunk and grieving friends who had not been in complete control of their faculties. They could then go on as before. Besides, he thought to himself...Sam deserves more. She deserves a relationship that does not put her career in jeopardy. And she deserves a better man than him...one without so much emotional baggage – and he wanted only the best for his Carter.

Jack found her a few minutes later in the dining room, cradling a cup of coffee.

"I made some coffee, sir. Would you like a cup?" Her voice was rough and edgy, probably a result of the massive hangover she was most likely experiencing.

"Sir'?" he questioned her choice of words sarcastically.

"Yes, sir," Sam replied softly as she stared down into her coffee.

Jack walked into the kitchen, poured himself a cup of his own, and returned to the dining room to sit down across from her at the table. They remained silent for a moment, both fiddling nervously with their coffee cups, before she again spoke.

"Sir, I know what you're going to say but it wasn't a mistake. I've been going over this in my head all morning. At first, I was angry with myself for letting it go this far. But I've come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no regrets. You can report me or file a complaint if you feel differently. I just...I needed someone last night. I needed to feel alive and safe and not alone. And...to tell you the truth, you were the someone I needed...the only one I needed."

Sam's unexpected words shocked and confused him. After overhearing her in the bathroom a few minutes before, he was certain that she wanted to forget that it ever happened. Although he was secretly pleased that she had changed her mind, he also knew that he had to be the voice of reason.

He looked at her, trying to express the affection he felt for her, as well as the remorse at what he knew he had to do. "I'm not going report you, Carter. In fact if anybody should be reported, it should be me. What happened...it was a mutual thing...but I was the one who let it get out of hand."

He paused to muster his resolve before adding, "You know this can't happen again, don't you, Carter?"

Sam looked back at him sharply, her voice tinged with anger and disappointment, "Why not? The regulations? Or because you don't care for me in that way?"

He gave her no answer. He simply looked away, afraid that she would be able to see the desperation in his eyes.

Sam's voice became more assertive, "I really don't give a damn about the regulations, sir. All I want to know is how you feel about this. How do you feel about me?"

"How do I feel, Carter?" he repeated. Jack sighed in frustration. "I really feel like this can't happen again. You may not regret it now, but I have a strong suspicion that you will soon. I don't want to risk your career or my own on something that shouldn't have happened in the first place," he explained.

"You really feel that way?"

He stared directly at her then, assured that he could finally keep his emotions under control, and nodded. She shook her head in disbelief at his apparently indifferent attitude towards her.

She tried to explain to him how she was feeling, attempting at the same time to break through the stony barricade he had erected around his heart. "We just lost one of our best friends. It's made me realize that there are more important things than rules and orders."

He challenged her, "Like what? A drunken roll in the hay?"

Sam flinched at his terse words. Their night together had meant more than that to her and it hurt beyond belief that he apparently saw it as nothing more than a drunken night of sex. She thought she meant more to him than that. Obviously, she had been wrong.

"No. Like a life," she replied heatedly to his question, finally losing her temper and she abruptly rose to leave.

Sam walked out of the dining room to the front door, intending to quickly escape before he could hurt her any more. Stopping at the door, she suddenly realized that she had no idea of how she had gotten there the previous evening. An expression of embarrassment and irritation graced her features.

Jack quickly got up, realizing that he had blown it. He went after her, determined to stop her from leaving this way. He didn't want to hurt her, but how could he make her understand?

"Carter... wait," he called out. He put his hand on her shoulder. "You took a cab here last night. And you are clearly not dressed to be walking home in that."

He stared openly at her attire. She was still wearing the nightgown that she had arrived in the night before. He guided her back into the dining room and motioned for her to sit back down. "Let me get you something else to wear and then I'll drive you home."

Sam silently nodded her consent as he went to get her something to wear. Jack returned with a folded pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and handed them to her. She took them from him and disappeared down the hall to change in the bathroom.

When she had gone, Jack sat down at the table and put his head in his hands in dejection. He didn't want to let her go like this. He needed her. He wanted her. And yet, as much as he wanted her in his personal life, he needed her working by his side even more.

If he let this continue, Jack knew that eventually it would end badly and they would no longer be able to work together. He had already lost Daniel, he was determined that the rest of his team would remain intact - even if it meant hurting her a bit this morning. She would get over it, she would find someone else... someone better, and they would get back to normal.

They remained silent on the journey to her house, the awkward silence making the drive feel like an eternity. He pulled up outside of her cottage just behind the classic Volvo parked on the street.

Just as she was opening the door of his truck to get out, she turned back towards him. "You know sir, I meant what I said before. I don't care about the regulations – at least in regards to the way I feel about you." There was no sign of regret or embarrassment in her demeanor and voice – only complete honesty.

Sam quickly reached over and placed a brief kiss on the corner of his mouth. "And come to think about it..." she quirked an eyebrow in curiosity, "you never really answered my question...you know...about how you feel about me."

Jack watched intently as she slammed the truck door and walked briskly up the path to her house, following her form until it disappeared completely behind the closed door. And in the solitude of his truck, he finally did provide an answer to her question.

Slamming his hands against the steering wheel in frustration, he repeated the question she had asked, "How do I feel about you, Carter?" He rested his forehead sorrowfully on the hands that tightly clutched the wheel and quietly replied, "God help me, I'm in love with you."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**You're Not the Only One in Need**

**

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****Part Four**

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Three Months Later (After 'Redemption') 

Sam was sleeping soundly in her bed when she was suddenly awoken by the sound of her doorbell ringing. Moaning in frustration, she struggled out of bed and made her way to her front door. Although it was about 0900 in the morning, she had only gotten home a couple of hours before after spending almost the entire previous week deep inside Cheyenne Mountain dealing with Anubis's attack on Earth's Stargate. Sleep was a precious commodity of late, and it irritated her to no end that her morning's activities had been interrupted.

With eyes half-closed she swung open her front door expecting to greet the UPS man or a Girl Scout selling cookies, only to find her commanding officer standing in front of her looking a little worse for wear. He was wearing a pair of wrinkled khakis and a lightweight black turtleneck sweater.

O'Neill merely stood there with his hands in his pockets, waiting for her to say something. Even though he appeared exhausted, Jack still looked like heaven to her. Taking in his form, her eyes opened wider as she debated whether he was really there or whether he was merely a dream that her subconscious had conjured up.

"Sir?" she asked warily, rubbing her sleepy eyes then suddenly crossing her arms over her chest in embarrassment. Her thin cotton tank top and pajama bottoms were suddenly made her feel very exposed in the early morning sunlight.

"Hey Carter," Jack greeted her nonchalantly. His face and demeanor betrayed no hint of why he had shown up on her doorstep on a Saturday morning.

"When did you get back?" she inquired.

"Couple of hours ago."

"Are you alright? I mean, you're not hurt or anything?" Her expression turned to worry as she wondered why on earth he would come to her house so soon after getting home. After all, he had seen just as little sleep as she had in the past week in addition to coming frightfully close to dying in the X-302.

"No...I'm fine. At least physically," he paused to think for a second, "...the knee's still giving me problems. What a trip though..."

"I can imagine. I bet it was rough coming down in that cockpit module." She stood in her doorway, examining his expression in puzzlement and waiting for him to reveal the real reason as to why he was there. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

"Actually..." he spoke as he took a step towards her.

Jack's hands weaved around behind her neck and the next thing she felt were his lips connecting with her own in a bruising kiss. He guided their bodies through the open door and then kicked it shut with his foot, never once removing his mouth from hers. Her hands, which had previously been positioned idly on his hips moved around to enclose him and pull his body closer to her own as she responded to his kiss with fervor.

Jack pushed her against the wall with what seemed to be the entire force of his body, while her hands found their way beneath his sweater and began soothingly stroking his back. Once he had pinned her to the wall, he began exploring her jaw line and neck with his lips.

Her cool, soft hands massaging the muscles of his back only aroused him more. He broke away from her abruptly and stared deeply into her passion-filled blue eyes. No words were necessary. Her eyes told him everything that he needed to know. Sam simply nodded and took one of his hands in her own, leading him down the hall into her bedroom. As she walked, she thought to herself, perhaps sleep is overrated after all.'

They contentedly slept for several hours, curled around each other. By late afternoon, Jack woke up disoriented and a bit unsure of where he was. He turned over in the bed to find the blond head of Sam Carter resting on the neighboring pillow. Examining her more closely, images of what had happened between them flashed through his head. He groaned in remorse and let his head fall back heavily onto his own pillow. He closed his eyes tightly to block out his guilt. What had he done?

As he slowly opened his eyes again, he beheld a large pair of blue eyes staring down at him. Obviously, the movements and sounds he had generated had awoken her.

"Hey there," he whispered as he cupped Sam's cheek with his palm.

"Hey," she replied. "So...Is this what you came over to my house for?"

He grimaced. "God...I'm sorry, Carter. This should never have happened. I should never have come."

An expression of sadness immediately replaced the grin on Sam's face. She quickly turned over to face away from him. "I'm sorry you feel that way, sir."

Jack gripped her shoulder, urging her to once again look at him. "That's not what I mean. What I meant was...we were all right. Everything was getting back to normal after...Daniel and you know..."

Sam turned back around, her sadness now replaced with fury. "Yes," she agreed, "Everything was normal on the surface, but can you really deny how hard it's been?"

He shook his head wearily, "No, I can't. After that one night... seeing you, working with you everyday and not being able to touch you has been excruciating. It's been awkward as hell too."

"Why did you come here this morning?" she brusquely demanded.

"I honestly don't know. I was tumbling back down to Earth in the cockpit module and all I could think of was you. I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since. I really thought it was the end up there – that my luck had finally run out. Then you came through with the plan and it worked. I ejected from the 302 and as I was falling, I realized...it was you. It's always you. You saved me yet again. You got me through it."

"So this is about gratitude?" Sam was still angry and confused about the situation. She was beginning to think that she had made a terrible mistake in letting him into her bed and her heart again.

"No, not at all," he reassured her. "This is about needing you... and wanting to be with you. I needed you up there and you came through for me again. Flying back to Colorado, I realized that you not only save my sorry life on a regular basis, but you also are the one person that makes my life worth living. I didn't want to die up there... because of you. And I landed in the ocean in that damned cockpit module and had this overwhelming need to be with you, to see you again."

"What about the regulations?" she challenged. She knew that she was willing to throw the regs out the door, but he had been the one to uphold them after their last encounter.

He smirked knowingly. "Well from what I hear, the SGC is closing shop for the time being. Unless something major happens in the next day or so, I believe I am long overdue for retirement. That means no more regs and a whole lot of fishing, I hope." Jack wrapped her in his arms and nuzzled her hair. "I don't want to be without you anymore, Sam."

Sam smiled brightly at the sound of her name on his lips. It was something she certainly could get used to. They lay there in silence in each other's arms for a few minutes, simply staring at each other, grinning like two kids on Christmas morning, and absorbing what these new circumstances actually meant for them – a future... together.

Sam ran her fingers through his untidy silver hair. "You know, I was worried about you up there."

"You were?" he asked facetiously as one corner of his mouth tilted upwards in a smirk.

"I felt so helpless, like such a failure. You were up there in the X-302, slowly falling to Earth, and I couldn't save you...I couldn't save Earth. For once, I didn't have a brilliant solution." Sam closed her eyes, remembering the feelings of powerlessness.

"But you did save me...and save Earth."

"Sort of. It took me too long to figure it out, and only then with a lot of help from McKay and Jonas. You could've died and I would have been responsible. Hell, the whole planet could have been destroyed."

"You are always way too hard on yourself, Carter."

"No, I'm not. Because when I'm not then things fall through the cracks... mistakes are made and the consequences are usually unbelievably hard to deal with."

"It was not your fault that Anubis decided to attack our Gate. It would not have been your fault if the plan had failed and it would not have been your fault if I had died. We all take chances, Carter. And everyone at the SGC is well aware of the potential consequences. You cannot feel guilty for everything that goes wrong."

"I know," she reluctantly admitted. "So...what happens now?"

"It's up to you. If you want to forget this ever happened, I can do that."

She looked at him in shock, horrified that he could give her up so easily. He smiled in response and explained, "I'd probably end up living in Minnesota as a bitter old recluse who never leaves his cabin, with only a dog for company... but I would learn to live with it as long as it's what you want."

She smiled softly at him and shook her head. "That's not what I want."

He returned her smile and stroked her shoulder. "What do you want, Major?" he asked mischievously.

"I want you," she replied as she captured his lips in a long and ardent kiss. Breaking away from the kiss, her forehead suddenly creased in worry.

"What happens to us if the SGC does start up again?"

Jack thought for a moment before answering decisively, "I don't want to go back to the way things were before, Carter. And I don't think you want to either. I think we need each other."

"So...?"

He kissed her furrowed brow hoping to ease away her worries, "So... we keep this to ourselves and pretend everything is normal at work. Are we both okay with that?"

"Yes sir," she replied ecstatically. The dazzling smile she displayed soon disappeared in the midst of a mind-numbing kiss.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**You're Not the Only One in Need**

* * *

**Part Five**

* * *

A Couple of Weeks Later (After 'Descent')

They crashed down on either side of the bed, feeling sweaty and exhausted and completely satiated. Once their breathing had almost returned to normal, Sam turned onto her side to face Jack. She tucked one hand gently under her cheek and gazed lovingly at the man beside her.

They remained quiet for a while when she finally decided to break the silence. "What is this thing? This thing between us?" she quietly asked him.

Jack sighed heavily. "I don't really know myself, Carter. Why ask me?"

Sam continued her interrogation, "I was just wondering if it's just about the sex... you know, fulfilling a need."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close so that her head was now resting on his chest. "Sam... All I know is that every time I'm with you like this, I grow to need you just a little bit more. It's actually starting to scare me – the way I feel about you."

She propped her chin on his chest to look at him, her eyes filled with bewilderment. "Why?" she asked.

His hand wove through her hair and he held her even tighter to him. "Because I know it won't last...maybe if the SGC had been closed and I could've retired...but that's not a possibility now."

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm his doubts and insecurities, "All I know is that someday soon you're going to wake up and realize that you want more - that you want a man who is free to love you openly. Someone who will take you out to dinner and the movies...someone to go on vacation with...to have a family with...all of the things I can't give you."

Sam pulled out of his embrace sharply and glared at the man beside her. "How can you say that? I will never want anyone else but you," she declared.

Jack reached out with his hand and brushed back the short wisps of blonde hair that had fallen down over her face. "Yes. I know you believe that now, but someday you are going to get tired of the sneaking around and hiding. You are going to want a normal relationship with a man you can be with openly."

Sam was contemplative, so he continued, trying to make her understand, "Do you want to know what I was thinking on Anubis's ship as the water rose around us?"

"Perhaps that we were going to die?" she quipped sarcastically.

"Well, there's that..." he murmured, "but there was more to it than that. I was thinking that I was going to die with you – that we were going to die together."

He paused and took in a deep breath before continuing, "And the sick part was that I was glad. I was relieved that I would never live to see the day when you would leave me. When you get tired of this...this 'thing between us' as you call it...when you leave me for someone else who can give you what I can't. And you know what? I hate that. I hate feeling that way. And I hate that man, whoever he is. Sometimes I even hate you – because I know you'll leave me and I don't know how I will ever be able to survive that." He continued to brush her hair back possessively.

Sam sat forcefully up in the bed and faced him. Her entire demeanor and posture directed her fury at him. "Don't you dare say that, Jack O'Neill. How can you hate me for something I haven't even done yet? For something that I know I will never do anyway?"

She paused and continued to glare at him. With determination in her voice, she commanded, "Listen to me and listen carefully. I have never loved another man the way I love you. And I will never love another man the way I love you."

Jack's face revealed his initial shock at her admission of love – it was the first time either one had admitted such. Quickly, he composed himself again and warned, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Carter."

She sighed in frustration. "What can I do to show you? How can I make you understand?" She moved directly in front of him and grasped his head firmly between her hands, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"Don't you see? There will never be anyone but you in here," she whispered as she reached to place one of his hands over her heart.

Jack quickly moved to capture her lips. Their entwined hands remained over her heart, while his free hand snaked around behind her to urge her body closer. He then gently leaned her backwards on the bed and began exploring her skin with his fingers, savoring the shape and feel of her body.

Unlike their earlier communion, this time the experience was slow and intense, with both trying desperately to demonstrate their commitment to each other.

At the conclusion of their lovemaking Jack sat up, laid back against the pillows, and pulled her on top of him. He brushed his fingers through her sweat-dampened hair as she rested heavily on top of him, reveling in the feel of her. She was there...she was alive...and she was his at least for now. He reverently placed a kiss on top of her head.

"Amazing..." he murmured. "I know I should feel guilty...but I don't. I could never regret needing you like this."

Sam did not move but remained very still, sprawled on top of him. Her only movement was that of her hand gently brushing her fingers up and down the arm wrapped tightly around her.

A revelation dawned on her as she lay there deep in thought – although she had openly declared her love for this man, he had not reciprocated the gesture. The only thing he had confessed to was needing and wanting her - not being in love with her.

She quietly voiced a response to the last words that Jack had uttered before drifting off to sleep. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Jack. Don't make promises you can't keep."

The End

TBC in "Without You" - Part Two of the In Need Series


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